6 November 2023

Neurodiverse observations: part 1

 Since we are now looking for examples of autism and neurodiversity, I just realised the following and thought I would share. I am not deliberately trying to criticise you, but I do want to offer friendly advice and help you in these social situations. don't expect you can instantly resolve any of these overnight because it takes a while to change habits, especially ones you might not be aware of. I recommend trying to spend just a little extra time observing, taking a breath, or whatever you do to relax and calm down, to also reduce your anxiety. I am also guilty of these from time to time so don't make it your life's work to live by these.


0. if you have anxiety or any kind of worry, others will pick up on it and it rubs off on them too. the easiest way to avoid this I find is just smile or compliment people at any opportunity, and it's free! a great way to break the ice too. if you're struggling with anxiety, my advice is always tackle it head-on rather than bury it, be that challenge someone or talk about how you feel, let it go, or write something down and save it for later. if you're not sure how you feel, shut your eyes, deep breath and take a moment to compose yourself before answering. there really is no rush to respond quickly.


1. speaking too loudly amongst friends / not reading the right volume at the right time. try to be aware of how loud everyone else is and how loud you need to be, at any given time


2. pedantry over terminology can come across as being a smart ass, even if you don't intend to. instead try to play it a different way, maybe "I looked into this and as far as I understand it, correct me if I'm wrong, so in a nutshell..." it's very mature to state humility up front, as often just telling people facts about things is informative, but jarring depending on context and the flow of conversation, so it's good to try and be emotionally intelligent and use mature defence mechanisms


3. forgetting things, multiple times you've left something behind. I'm sure everyone forgets stuff every now and then. I would advise that before going anywhere, even if you're just doing something as casual as leaving the bus, always do a 360° and look around your surroundings and review where you were before leaving


4. speaking in monotone, it can make people seem "boring" when one's speech is devoid of emotion. so whatever possible, always try to add a little more energy into the way you're speaking, like sing-song, or raising tone up instead of down at the end of the sentence, or smiling when you're talking (you know that saying, you can tell when someone on the other end of a phone call is smiling). there's a really good TED video called "how to talk so people will listen", I recommend that, and generally any of their popular videos


5. at any possible opportunity, share something positive to talk about like a funny experience or something cool/interesting to you or that you're passionate about, rather than a negative one. sharing your frustrations with the world works best when it's a shared pain because then you can connect with others (if you remember the ending of the film Inside Out). 


6. don't feel you have to fill silence with conversation, although conversely, randomly bringing up topics if the energy is high is a great way to connect and enjoy discussing things you're passionate about